My husband's 54 year old brother was found dead in his apartment the Sunday before Thanksgiving. He was not married and lived alone. His legal next of kin was his 20 year old son. That was whom the coroner called to identify the body and discuss options for the autopsy. That was who, in concert with his one local and one remote sister, had to figure out whether to bury or cremate, what kind of funeral service to hold, what to place in an obituary, how to clean out his father's apartment and what to do with his car and his bills and collect on any life insurance, and even if there was any. I am sure that my brother-in-law would have done anything to avoid placing this burden on his children. And so would all of us. But that is what happens if you don't make plans in advance.

Please make sure you have a will and so does at least one trusted friend. In addition, there are some other items that should be documented. Your wishes as to burial or cremation, what type of funeral. In fact, locating the funeral company you want to use and the place you would like your funeral would be a great idea. And then find an attorney you trust to help your loved ones quickly sort out the estate, including what federal and state documents need to be filed. And make sure you have a designated family member or close friend who is willing to help in sorting through your posessions and making decisions about what gets saved and what gets given away. Sorting through your loved one's life possessions soon after their death requires a strong-minded helper.

At the end of the day, my brother-in-law's children did an amazing job, with lots of help from his ex-wife (and mother of 2 of his children) and her new husband. But the thought of a 20 year old having to deal with so many unknowns during a time of misery spurs me to write this so that all of us will think about how to lighten the burden for the relatives we leave behind.

Gillian Parrillo
SacWomen